I am going to divert for just a moment to something which has recently surfaced and has plagued my mind for a number of days. I have been talking about finding empowerment within yourself and with the help of God and those who surround you. I missed an important piece of becoming empowered, and that is through role models. Not those we know, but those we see, the books we read and the people we listen to and I realized that although some may be good, give us insight we may not have had before, however there is another element. The women who are constantly in the spotlight, the celebrities we look up to almost as Gods and whose individual voices have the capability to touch millions.
I don't want these celebrities to represent the true women of this world, the housewife, the bookkeeper, the nurse, the teacher.... I don't want one voice sending a message to a million, I want a million voices sending a message. A million ordinary women, women like me. I want their stories to be heard because it is reality and not a scripted piece of writing by God knows who. That is true empowerment, the ordinary finally being heard and not the millionaire reading a cue card or posing for some organization to show their concern. The same women who then leave these organizations and go back to their caviar and Rodeo drive shopping.
Yes there are some women who are now famous and rich that started out with nothing and have worked for all they have, found their power and created their lives, but those are not the women I want to look up to. I want to see the women who, although not millionaires or celebrities, have found their power, created their lives and live with the rest of us, giving without thanks or applause, but simply because of their need to give.
That is what this blog is about, those who are begining their journey, learning and searching inside themselves, looking to God and listening to stories of women who are in the same place. Finding empowerment in every day life, finding strength in their obstacles, falling and learning to get up. Yes, maybe one day, one woman may become famous or rich and that is wonderful, but even better is that she will have reached this through the loss of victimization, the begining of creation and an empowerment only she can find. I want you to forget those you look up to and begin to look up to yourself, leave behind the magazines and the talk shows and read yourself, watch your life, give yourself the gift of introspection, not false influence.
Everything you read here is from a woman, myself and soon others who are just like you. Afraid, sometimes lost, not always falling, sometimes pushed down and then kicked until the pain takes over and darkness becomes our fate. The point is no matter how long it takes we all must get up, find our power and move on. Start over, create again, and stop being a victim. No it is not easy, it never will be, but it is all we have to live. It is easy to survive, but don't fall into easy, fight as hard as you can, it is your life and it is worth everything in you to get it back. Reach out for a hand that loves and turn from one that hates, even if it is your own.
We are so often our own enemies, taught as women to be weak and passive. No more. We are the strongest creatures on this earth, we have overcome so much in history and without a great strength, how could we? We have initiated laws that gave us rights, we have changed this world, we fight for cancer and domestic violence and we take power from those who still push us backwards. If we can do this for other women, how can we not do it for ourselves?
The answer is, we can, we just must be as important to ourselves as we are to our causes.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Friday, December 7, 2007
Back to Basics
I have shared some of my life stories with all of you in order to give you some examples of empowerment and creation. Like all human beings we are complex and a few blogs cannot possibly capture all of the life we have lived, I hope mine have at least touched on some.
Now I am going to take you back to the basics of empowerment, the motivational basics. Abraham Maslow, a famous psychologist published a book, Motivation and Personality in 1954, where he introduced the Hierarchy of Needs. This hierarchy defines levels of need which must be met in order to reach the ultimate empowerment -self actualization. His belief was that this was achieved through motivation derived from the need. Below is a diagram of the Hierarchy of Needs.
This hierarchy is actually an updated model showing eight levels, rather than Maslow's five; however I find it more fitting due to the idea of going beyond self to helping others. This should be the basis of human nature and what we all look to achieve. To empower ourselves and then use that power to empower others.
The theory continues to say that if we do have one level of needs met and that is taken away, then the higher levels are no longer important. This is until those needs are once again met. Take a look at your life, or the stories I have told you of mine, and you will see just how profound this theory is. As a child there were times I had no food, sometimes no water, or electricity. This left me at the first level of the hierarchy - biological and physiological needs. I did not even think of safety while trying to find food for my brothers and sisters. I could not move, I was stagnant, without opportunity. I was a child. It was actually years before I was able to move from this basic level of need. It came as an adult.
So how did I move to the next level? Motivation, I now had a child and so was motivated to find the way to achieve constant food, warmth, shelter... and I did. Not always in the right way, but always providing these basic needs. It was only then safety entered my world. Stability now became the most important thing for me and it was then I married my first husband. (No this is not a story included, as I said a few blogs could not possibly reveal all) He was in the military and the two of us easily met the security needs and so I could move again. Belonginess and Love. Two things I never understood before my child, my husband and my godparents.
It was through them and my insastiable need to give all that I finally knew love and belonging. Motivation played a part in this move, yet it was not enough to hold me and so I fell. My husband and I divorced, my fear took over and I was back to searching for safety. Thoughts of love and belonging were put to rest in my self pity, where motivation does not exist. Years went by and I fought, yet soon even security was beyond my grasp, and fear was all I knew. Then another entered my life.
The most beautiful man I have ever known, and the only one who ever erased the doubt, the fear and the past. He saw me in a way I had never been able to see myself. He told me I was beautiful and not because I was on a stage, he reveled in what a great mother I was and was amazed at my intelligence. He gave me the greatest gift I had ever received, self confidence. He even led me back to school, quelling my fear of failure and pushing me to realize that in this one small step, I just might find a piece of Tracy. All he wanted was for me to love myself as he loved me.
This was my second husband, a navy pilot who would wake in his sleep, look at me and say "I love you so much", as he settled back into his dreams. Suddenly everything was in place, I had reached a new level and through his faith I was motivated to be more. I was actually focusing on self esteem and achievement, when before I never even had a dream. I never thought I would grow to be nurse or a veterinarian or an astronaut, like so many children. I was never given the chance to dream, I was too busy surviving. Now I could live.
I did not think he would just be a dream, I thought he would be a lifetime, but God does not always work as we think he should and suddenly he was gone. I was left with his many gifts, all forgotten in my pain, and even survival no longer mattered. I did not understand how life could exist without him, my best friend, my lover, my soul mate, my heart.
My saving grace, was my daughter, it was for her I had to live. I still did not understand that you don't live for others, you live for you. You fight and kick and scratch to keep you alive. Without that understanding, it was back to the basics, forget achievement, it was not meant to be mine. I had to be content with security for my child, give her the life I was not meant to have.
After awhile my memory awakened to the gifts of my husband and I realized that in order to give her life, I had to find mine. To teach her to become a strong woman, I had to lead with strength. This became my motivation and before I knew it I was out of survival mode and creating. I did not realize at the time it was here I began meeting my cognitive needs. I was thinking, analyzing, looking, searching, learning and becoming more and more empowered. I was gaining knowledge and self awareness and it was on my own, well not quite on my own, God does deserve his due.
The most beautiful part of all of this was that I was growing into me; I was realizing my heart, my strength, my knowledge, my beauty and my power. I was finally leaving that little girl and becoming a woman, a powerful woman who could achieve - anything. And this is the woman you see today. I am still seeking further knowledge; wanting to know myself fully and one day give myself fully.
As for the last three levels of the hierarchy, those are to come, just not while I still live in youth. I have touched on each of them, felt them, and know they are in me, yet they still fall short of my grasp. I have work to do and as empowered as I am, there is always room for growth. I know I will continue in this and I will realize self actualization and continue to give this gift to other women.
I was called to nursing to fall in love with psychiatry, which has led me to my next calling. I recently mediated a sixteen week group for women who have suffered domestic violence, and throughout the weeks I noticed something incredibly terrifying. These women were so focused on their abuser; what he has done, what he continues to do, why he does it. They were so lost in him, they could not see themselves and there was nothing I could do in so short a period of time.
Now I know how to right that wrong. After I receive my MSN, I will begin a group for all women. "Women Empowering Women" I have already begun the research and started to network. I am going to give women back themselves, no matter where they were lost; be it due to life, a man, drugs, a lost child or loved one... I am going to teach them empowerment and creation and with the help of Maslow, many professionals, God and motivation I have no doubt as to my success.
I have not made it yet, and I know from past experience I will not have the easiest path; however as many times as I fall, I will get up. Not just for me, but for all those who fall and do not believe they can stand again.
References
Retrieved December 7, 2007
www.businessballs.com/maslow.htm
www.iloveulove.com/psychology/maslowhon.htm
Referenced from Google Images, no other information regarding references is available.
Now I am going to take you back to the basics of empowerment, the motivational basics. Abraham Maslow, a famous psychologist published a book, Motivation and Personality in 1954, where he introduced the Hierarchy of Needs. This hierarchy defines levels of need which must be met in order to reach the ultimate empowerment -self actualization. His belief was that this was achieved through motivation derived from the need. Below is a diagram of the Hierarchy of Needs.
This hierarchy is actually an updated model showing eight levels, rather than Maslow's five; however I find it more fitting due to the idea of going beyond self to helping others. This should be the basis of human nature and what we all look to achieve. To empower ourselves and then use that power to empower others.
The theory continues to say that if we do have one level of needs met and that is taken away, then the higher levels are no longer important. This is until those needs are once again met. Take a look at your life, or the stories I have told you of mine, and you will see just how profound this theory is. As a child there were times I had no food, sometimes no water, or electricity. This left me at the first level of the hierarchy - biological and physiological needs. I did not even think of safety while trying to find food for my brothers and sisters. I could not move, I was stagnant, without opportunity. I was a child. It was actually years before I was able to move from this basic level of need. It came as an adult.
So how did I move to the next level? Motivation, I now had a child and so was motivated to find the way to achieve constant food, warmth, shelter... and I did. Not always in the right way, but always providing these basic needs. It was only then safety entered my world. Stability now became the most important thing for me and it was then I married my first husband. (No this is not a story included, as I said a few blogs could not possibly reveal all) He was in the military and the two of us easily met the security needs and so I could move again. Belonginess and Love. Two things I never understood before my child, my husband and my godparents.
It was through them and my insastiable need to give all that I finally knew love and belonging. Motivation played a part in this move, yet it was not enough to hold me and so I fell. My husband and I divorced, my fear took over and I was back to searching for safety. Thoughts of love and belonging were put to rest in my self pity, where motivation does not exist. Years went by and I fought, yet soon even security was beyond my grasp, and fear was all I knew. Then another entered my life.
The most beautiful man I have ever known, and the only one who ever erased the doubt, the fear and the past. He saw me in a way I had never been able to see myself. He told me I was beautiful and not because I was on a stage, he reveled in what a great mother I was and was amazed at my intelligence. He gave me the greatest gift I had ever received, self confidence. He even led me back to school, quelling my fear of failure and pushing me to realize that in this one small step, I just might find a piece of Tracy. All he wanted was for me to love myself as he loved me.
This was my second husband, a navy pilot who would wake in his sleep, look at me and say "I love you so much", as he settled back into his dreams. Suddenly everything was in place, I had reached a new level and through his faith I was motivated to be more. I was actually focusing on self esteem and achievement, when before I never even had a dream. I never thought I would grow to be nurse or a veterinarian or an astronaut, like so many children. I was never given the chance to dream, I was too busy surviving. Now I could live.
I did not think he would just be a dream, I thought he would be a lifetime, but God does not always work as we think he should and suddenly he was gone. I was left with his many gifts, all forgotten in my pain, and even survival no longer mattered. I did not understand how life could exist without him, my best friend, my lover, my soul mate, my heart.
My saving grace, was my daughter, it was for her I had to live. I still did not understand that you don't live for others, you live for you. You fight and kick and scratch to keep you alive. Without that understanding, it was back to the basics, forget achievement, it was not meant to be mine. I had to be content with security for my child, give her the life I was not meant to have.
After awhile my memory awakened to the gifts of my husband and I realized that in order to give her life, I had to find mine. To teach her to become a strong woman, I had to lead with strength. This became my motivation and before I knew it I was out of survival mode and creating. I did not realize at the time it was here I began meeting my cognitive needs. I was thinking, analyzing, looking, searching, learning and becoming more and more empowered. I was gaining knowledge and self awareness and it was on my own, well not quite on my own, God does deserve his due.
The most beautiful part of all of this was that I was growing into me; I was realizing my heart, my strength, my knowledge, my beauty and my power. I was finally leaving that little girl and becoming a woman, a powerful woman who could achieve - anything. And this is the woman you see today. I am still seeking further knowledge; wanting to know myself fully and one day give myself fully.
As for the last three levels of the hierarchy, those are to come, just not while I still live in youth. I have touched on each of them, felt them, and know they are in me, yet they still fall short of my grasp. I have work to do and as empowered as I am, there is always room for growth. I know I will continue in this and I will realize self actualization and continue to give this gift to other women.
I was called to nursing to fall in love with psychiatry, which has led me to my next calling. I recently mediated a sixteen week group for women who have suffered domestic violence, and throughout the weeks I noticed something incredibly terrifying. These women were so focused on their abuser; what he has done, what he continues to do, why he does it. They were so lost in him, they could not see themselves and there was nothing I could do in so short a period of time.
Now I know how to right that wrong. After I receive my MSN, I will begin a group for all women. "Women Empowering Women" I have already begun the research and started to network. I am going to give women back themselves, no matter where they were lost; be it due to life, a man, drugs, a lost child or loved one... I am going to teach them empowerment and creation and with the help of Maslow, many professionals, God and motivation I have no doubt as to my success.
I have not made it yet, and I know from past experience I will not have the easiest path; however as many times as I fall, I will get up. Not just for me, but for all those who fall and do not believe they can stand again.
References
Retrieved December 7, 2007
www.businessballs.com/maslow.htm
www.iloveulove.com/psychology/maslowhon.htm
Referenced from Google Images, no other information regarding references is available.
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Something Special
So many of the comments I have received have called me something special to have survived all that I have, the problem is I am not special, I am ordinary. Every two and a half minutes a child is sexually abused, and one in every six women is raped or sexually assaulted. There is nothing amazing about me, I am simply a statistic. Maybe a statistic that has fought back, but a statistic none the less. The only difference is I refuse to live as a statistic, but yet I cannot forget those children and women who remain labeled.
I left my last post with my return to school despite the sick son of a bitch who tried to take my spirit. Well that sure as hell was not going to happen, as I said before his power ended that night and I went on. I made it through my spring semester, somehow, and was ready to enter my senior year in the fall, well guess what, again other plans.
I ended up having to leave my program again due to a nonsensical child custody battle, fighting my mistake of years ago. It cost me twenty two thousand dollars and a semester of school and all for nothing. Of course my past was dragged in and I sat in that chair, at first destroyed and then pissed off. Well he lost and it was time to push on. I had to wait a year to return to my senior year, but I never dreamed of giving up. My calling was bigger than my self pity.
Well I began my senior year the following Fall and all went well, that is until the night of February 23, when I almost lost my biggest reason for living, my child. I was told that night she may not make it and I prayed. I told God if he took her from me then he had better take me, otherwise I would take myself and be buried with my daughter. I would not let her make that journey alone. I have never let her take any journey without my prescence, and I would not stop now. I spent twenty one days in the hospital, not leaving once, dropped my final class before graduation and took care of her. I honestly believe if I had not been there her recovery would have taken much longer. I fought nurses and doctors to make sure she remained a priority to all, kicked a few out of the room and advocated for the most important patient I would ever have.
My beautiful little girl came home in a wheelchair, broken and in pain. I fixed both, with the help of God and so many people who came to support me. I was exhausted physically and mentally but I pushed through. She was my biggest inspiration as I watched her fight without complaint. How could I do less? This near disaster just reinforced my ability to fight, to empower myself to continue on. To this day, she is my all, my gift and I have taken the best care of that gift I am able. That will continue until the end of my life.
So here I am again, waiting to go back to school to finish my final class and graduate. It will be my first and it will show my child that no matter what you don't give up, you don't sacrifice yourself, and you find strength when there seems to be none. I am teaching her through my life to become a strong, empowered woman and she knows the whole story and is so proud of her mom. She actually screamed and told me how incredible I am when I announced the passing of my exams this week. Although she is fifteen, she still looks at me and tells me she loves me, she comes to me with her hurt and still finds comfort in "mommy's" arms.
At her age, so much is hidden from parents and this has often scared me, yet I know that when it is important I am the first she turns to. I can only pray this will continue into adulthood. I have taught her everything I can, given her my advice, guided her through obstacles and now I know she has the knowledge to grow into a young woman. Her choices must be her own, good or bad, it is now time to learn from her own mistakes and the knowledge of mine.
As I said before she was recently diagnosed with Post Traumatic Brain Injury and even though I thought we had made it through, it looks as though we still have a ways to go. It does not matter, we will make it and when she needs it, my strength will carry her through, supplementing her own. Love is that powerful.
I do know that I could not love my child if I had not learned self love, a part of empowerment, realizing how special you are, that God made you, without mistake. It makes no difference who is in your life if you do not love yourself, then there is not another who can, and you are the only one who can realize and fight for this beauty. You have to forgive your mistakes, your shortcomings and realize that perfection does not exist in any of us. We all have skeletons, but the point is they are skeletons, they do not live, they do not control who we are, they have a closet which is exactly where they belong. You do not have to drag them out, you don't have to be ashamed, there is always someone who has done worse than you and you can only worry about the face in the mirror at the end of the day.
Go to bed knowing you have done everything possible to be a good person, without regret. Regret will eat you alive, destroy your spirit and place you in the position of victim. Stop it and create the destiny that is yours, yesterday is gone and tomorrow not guaranteed, you have only this moment, take it and make it your own and if anyone stands in your way, walk away. They are not good for you and drain the power you have managed to achieve, fill your life with those who are empowered, women who have found themselves and have learned to live, not just survive.
So get out of your pity pool, stand up and find your power, wherever it may lie. It is there, you just have to believe. You have to let go of the past, forget the demons, and create.
I left my last post with my return to school despite the sick son of a bitch who tried to take my spirit. Well that sure as hell was not going to happen, as I said before his power ended that night and I went on. I made it through my spring semester, somehow, and was ready to enter my senior year in the fall, well guess what, again other plans.
I ended up having to leave my program again due to a nonsensical child custody battle, fighting my mistake of years ago. It cost me twenty two thousand dollars and a semester of school and all for nothing. Of course my past was dragged in and I sat in that chair, at first destroyed and then pissed off. Well he lost and it was time to push on. I had to wait a year to return to my senior year, but I never dreamed of giving up. My calling was bigger than my self pity.
Well I began my senior year the following Fall and all went well, that is until the night of February 23, when I almost lost my biggest reason for living, my child. I was told that night she may not make it and I prayed. I told God if he took her from me then he had better take me, otherwise I would take myself and be buried with my daughter. I would not let her make that journey alone. I have never let her take any journey without my prescence, and I would not stop now. I spent twenty one days in the hospital, not leaving once, dropped my final class before graduation and took care of her. I honestly believe if I had not been there her recovery would have taken much longer. I fought nurses and doctors to make sure she remained a priority to all, kicked a few out of the room and advocated for the most important patient I would ever have.
My beautiful little girl came home in a wheelchair, broken and in pain. I fixed both, with the help of God and so many people who came to support me. I was exhausted physically and mentally but I pushed through. She was my biggest inspiration as I watched her fight without complaint. How could I do less? This near disaster just reinforced my ability to fight, to empower myself to continue on. To this day, she is my all, my gift and I have taken the best care of that gift I am able. That will continue until the end of my life.
So here I am again, waiting to go back to school to finish my final class and graduate. It will be my first and it will show my child that no matter what you don't give up, you don't sacrifice yourself, and you find strength when there seems to be none. I am teaching her through my life to become a strong, empowered woman and she knows the whole story and is so proud of her mom. She actually screamed and told me how incredible I am when I announced the passing of my exams this week. Although she is fifteen, she still looks at me and tells me she loves me, she comes to me with her hurt and still finds comfort in "mommy's" arms.
At her age, so much is hidden from parents and this has often scared me, yet I know that when it is important I am the first she turns to. I can only pray this will continue into adulthood. I have taught her everything I can, given her my advice, guided her through obstacles and now I know she has the knowledge to grow into a young woman. Her choices must be her own, good or bad, it is now time to learn from her own mistakes and the knowledge of mine.
As I said before she was recently diagnosed with Post Traumatic Brain Injury and even though I thought we had made it through, it looks as though we still have a ways to go. It does not matter, we will make it and when she needs it, my strength will carry her through, supplementing her own. Love is that powerful.
I do know that I could not love my child if I had not learned self love, a part of empowerment, realizing how special you are, that God made you, without mistake. It makes no difference who is in your life if you do not love yourself, then there is not another who can, and you are the only one who can realize and fight for this beauty. You have to forgive your mistakes, your shortcomings and realize that perfection does not exist in any of us. We all have skeletons, but the point is they are skeletons, they do not live, they do not control who we are, they have a closet which is exactly where they belong. You do not have to drag them out, you don't have to be ashamed, there is always someone who has done worse than you and you can only worry about the face in the mirror at the end of the day.
Go to bed knowing you have done everything possible to be a good person, without regret. Regret will eat you alive, destroy your spirit and place you in the position of victim. Stop it and create the destiny that is yours, yesterday is gone and tomorrow not guaranteed, you have only this moment, take it and make it your own and if anyone stands in your way, walk away. They are not good for you and drain the power you have managed to achieve, fill your life with those who are empowered, women who have found themselves and have learned to live, not just survive.
So get out of your pity pool, stand up and find your power, wherever it may lie. It is there, you just have to believe. You have to let go of the past, forget the demons, and create.
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