Life changes, I guess a blog can too!

I must admit I have met a lot of amazing people during the trials and tribulations of my life and have been so blessed by each and every one. I will admit I did not expect to find it here, in a class I barely know, from a teacher who obviously, just as I was called to nursing, was called to teach. I don't know how we can work it out and it was an incredibly difficult decision to drop the class so close to the end, but if we can work it out and you have the faith in me, I guess I need to find it myself.

So no more dating, I think I know something so much more important I need to get out there. I am a huge advocate of the empowerment of women and work for several volunteer agencies to promote just that. It is something I can easily write about now have a renewed sense of maybe why I really am in this class.

The story begins a long time ago when I was a child and being raised by a drug addicted mother. I had three younger brothers and sisters and by twelve it was my job to try and raise them. My mother would often disappear for days at a time while she was high and sometimes there was no food, sometimes no water and even no electricity. My home was filthy, trash filled the floor and the mattresses were bare and dirty. This is how four young children lived. We did not have Christmas or Easter, there were no pretty clothes or nice bedrooms, no hugs and no kisses and of course no father. We were on our own.

As sad as my childhood was, I had two roads ahead of me. I could give up, leave school, use any of the drugs often lying throughout the house and try to fill the void through sex, which is often where young girls go to find "love". The second road was to push through, leave the drugs and sex alone and get to school every day to become something more than what would have been expected of my childhood. I chose the second road, devoted myself to school, my family and staying away from the horror of a life addicted. To this day I have never done a drug, rarely drink and have been with only my husband and one other man, who fathered my child.

Of course I still had so much pain to deal with at such a young age and I had to find an outlet before my resolve weakened. It was then I became involved with the Community for Creative Nonviolence. I took my pain and focused on those who were suffering so much more than I. At CCNV I began to tutor the homeless men for their GED and although I did not have much success because of the transient situation, I still was there and giving my all. I was sixteen years old. It was here I learned not to judge those who took a different path, and to accept all people as human beings and I learned a lot about me and who I was meant to be. I was going to help, to change the world in some small way, however I could. I continued with them until my graduation and then moved on due to the birth of my baby girl.

Amnesty was born on March 20th, 1992, the first day of Spring. This was one time I veered off my path and made the mistake of giving my body and heart to someone who never deserved either. He cheated on me for the nine months we were together and still suffering from serious issues with insecurity, I stayed, thinking finally someone loved me. It was at this time I met two people who were probably the most instrumental in getting me back on the right path. My Godparents. They took in a young pregnant girl and again showed me the road I had discovered and lost in my youth. I left him and began a life with my new baby, promising her life would never resemble mine.

As I was debating on names for my child, I found Amnesty. In it's base sense it means to be forgiven a past and to be granted a second chance. She was truly my Amnesty and the name was chosen. God could have given me anything from this man, an STD, possibly HIV, even death after he hit me with his truck, yet instead he granted me my Amnesty. I have never strayed from that memory or that path since.

Between Amnesty and my Godparents I learned what love really meant, that it is selfless and without condition and I slowly entered woman hood. Between my work with CCNV, my child and my Godparents I began to learn the difference between choosing between victimization and empowerment. I chose to be a victim with my daughters father and now it was time to become empowered as a woman, leaving the little girl victim behind.

One of the fundamental differences between the Victim Orientation and this one [Creator] is where you put your focus of attention…For Victims, the focus is always on what they don’t want: the problems that seem constantly to multiply in their lives. They don’t want the person, condition, or circumstance they consider their Persecutor, and they don’t want the fear that leads to fight, flee or freeze reactions, either. Creators, on the other hand, place their focus on what they do want. Doing this, Creators still face and solve problems in the course of creating outcomes they want, but their focus remains fixed on their ultimate vision.

References
Emerald, D. (2003-2007) The Power of Ted. Retrieved November 22, 2007, from ThinkArete Web Site:http://www.thinkarete.com